In this series of posts will discuss how to deal effectively with the negotiations. In everyday life it happens to be confronted with others, whether for simple questions to complex issues. In any negotiation you need to understand their emotional situation to be able to effectively manage the negotiation process and get the satisfaction of their needs. In any social context will continually create the conditions for having to deal with anything from goods to trade relations. The need to negotiate extends from small to large disputes, with family, work colleagues, neighbors of the house with the seller. The reasons may be manifold, although the appearance in the major negotiations economy is the main cause, and therefore often need an impartial judge. When the objectives of the two parties are in conflict, each one feels somehow "attacked" personally. Each of us, "defending" their territory: the personal well-being, his identity until the very right to survival. This behavior has a biological reason in mind: not be able to defend their territory, in nature, it can cause the extinction of species. The boundary between request and demand is very thin. Often, when the need is urgent or when there have been previous unsuccessful experiences, are in a hurry to conclude too soon. When taking the claim, the position towards the other is rigid and the more time passes, the more it becomes impossible to treat. The negotiation thus degenerates into anger, and sooner or later leads to a conflict, internal or external. The prerequisite for making any required is the ability and willingness to provide "commodity exchange, which has the same value or quality for our party. No one is willing to give without receiving, unless you have something to do with someone who wants at all costs take a sacrificial attitude from "romantic hero", certainly a bit 'self-defeating. The need for control over the environment can lead to unbalanced concessions, such as giving more than you receive, or by taking more than you. In this way you establish a relationship of interdependence between the parties, where one corresponds to the satisfaction of needs of the power of others, which makes "the good and the bad weather." The inability to negotiate is also generated from relational positions that prevent them from building a positive relationship. Transactional Analysis can identify these positions. Some of these are likely to derail the deal, such as position "I'm OK, You're OK" or "I'm OK, you're not OK." Make it impossible for any other negotiation, such as "I'm not OK, you're not OK." This position, which places the other "top", prevents the right to get the right (resume this subject when we talk about effective communication). The person who has this vision of self and the external environment, is likely to see others win every time. Unaware of their abilities, unable to stand on par with others, the subject negotiates "desperate", clinging dependence and defeat as the only way to survive. And this is both emotional and objective, such as lifestyle. This is the position of the bully, then the person that uses gli altri e li contatta solo per vincere tutta la posta in gioco. Tale atteggiamento è molto pericoloso nella negoziazione, perché porta a sottovalutare l’altro, a credere che solo le proprie strategie siano vincenti. L’arrendevolezza dell’altro viene scambiata per incapacità, i silenzi per assensi, le attese per sconfitte. Perdere, per queste persone, è un’esperienza molto spiacevole. Questa è la posizione equilibrata, che consente di negoziare nel rispetto di sé e dell’altro. In essa è implicitamente riconosciuto lo scambio e il giusto riconoscimento del merito individuale. Un incontro alla pari aggiunge un sano divertimento alla trattativa, dove lo stimolo è dato, oltre che dal premio finale, encounter with each other. This is the spirit of sport, fair play, able to accept the victory of the other not as their own defeat, but as a fair matter. A balanced emotional state is the foundation of successful trading in any context takes place. Establish a relationship negotiation is an activity just "relaxing" because it implies a great observation skills, active listening, meticulous analysis of the details of communication, including, especially, non-verbal signals. Complacency may be a tactic, which is to simulate a lowering of self-confidence, but when it is not a tactic may be early signs of a waiver. In the latter case, few words, a look, failure to provide another opportunity to take advantage of the slightest weakness to score a winner. We must not hide the mood, but you must maintain a high level of self-esteem. Declaring victory too soon is another dangerous trap and ambivalent to believe another to have lost the first time can be a tactic to induce a false move and weaken each other, but this method often creates the opposite effect. You can see a renewal of energies, the unexpected "trump card" that can reverse the situation. The desire to settle is another pitfall of trading, because a priori one can never know where the other can get in negotiations. Often, this trap is the result of the insecurity of the subject, which accelerates the timing relationships in an attempt to satisfy the underlying needs and often unrelated to the negotiation itself. The person who is satisfied, on the other hand, might have understood the limits of compliance of the other and prefer "little" to "nothing." The moment you do not feel respected in their rights, or you realize that the bargaining power is insufficient, or that the other is getting too much, can scattare la pretesa di vincere giocando il “tutto per tutto”. La pretesa si manifesta con l’aggressività e raramente fa maturare buoni frutti. In nessuna negoziazione si ottiene qualcosa di valido pretendendolo come doveroso. Molto spesso le trattative sono lunghe, estenuanti, a seconda dell’importanza della posta in gioco. Entrambi i negozianti si trovano a dover adottare strategie diverse, rilanciare, allentare la presa su posizioni troppo rigide. La fretta di chiudere ha come conseguenza il cedere al più forte la “fetta di torta” più grande. Paradossalmente, più la trattativa è importante per noi, più dobbiamo trattenere il desiderio ed aspettare, fiduciosi, di ottenere il giusto. L’aggressività, even when it can be tied to some reason, understandable and, always produces devastating effects on the negotiations. Who is attacked immediately uses this mode to exacerbate the aggressor. Will the victim, acting on feelings of guilt, prompting the attacker to lose control. So, before leaving to go aggressive, try to remember that this is sure to harm the negotiations.
enough for today ... I think this topic will continue in the next post. See you soon!
